Gary manages a furniture store and he met Cynthia, his second wife, when she began working at a nearby business. Gary and Cynthia dated for almost a year before they married.

Cynthia was burdened by a painful history when she married Gary. She had previously been married to a man who constantly criticized her and belittled her appearance and her sexuality. For a long time, she believed that she was incapable of enjoying sex or of pleasing a man sexually. But being with Gary changed all that. “It opened up a whole world to me, it was wonderful,” says this petite, shy woman. Then, after a couple of years of marriage, Gary developed erection problems. “It came on gradually. There was absolutely no problem when we first married,” says Cynthia.

Gary and Cynthia didn’t talk about the change in their sex life and their painful silence continued for three long years. “I kept thinking it was an isolated problem. But it was driving me up the wall and the last year I finally had to accept the fact it just was not working, and I tried to talk to Gary about it,” says Cynthia. She prepared herself for this discussion by reading a book on sexual responsiveness. But just mentioning the topic upset Gary tremendously. Concerned that she had caused him such pain, Cynthia dropped the matter. “We went for two weeks without talking about it—at all. Then he said, ‘Okay we really should do something.’ So we tried to follow some of the recommendations in the book—sort of doing sex therapy at home. And it helped some. But I got impatient. I short-circuited the whole thing.”

Gary finally sought medical help several months later, but he didn’t tell his wife until after he went to the doctor. She was greatly relieved when she learned that he had finally taken the first step. “I didn’t want to bring up the subject again because felt guilty. I mean, on some level, when a failure occurs, when he can’t get an erection, I feel he must hate me. It feels like rejection.

Gary went through several tests, and much to the surprise o his physician, was found to have extremely low levels of testosterone. In addition to causing Gary’s erection problems, the abnormality could even have contributed to his lack of motivation to correct the situation, since low testosterone can reduce desire. Gary was placed on shots of the hormone, and severe weeks later reported that his erections were normal. And he and Cynthia were able to make love again.

“If s been reasonably successful,” says Cynthia of the treatment. “But Gary still doesn’t talk about the cause. We don’t tall about it.” Tears well up in her eyes. Although her husband has c demonstrable physical cause for his potency problem, she still feels rejected. And his silence hasn’t helped her.

*91\184\8*

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