An amazing number of people find it extremely difficult to talk directly and honestly with their partners about their sexual desires, fears and problems. Many people have been trained to perceive discussions about sex as being so private, so embarrassing and so revealing, that they hesitate to talk about their own feelings and wishes even with the person they’ve been married to for years.

In this context it is absolutely essential for partners to talk to each other about sex, so that their bodies can adjust mutually and their pleasures increase. Despite this, in my experience, most couples never talk to each other about what they do in bed, whether it is good or bad, or whether it gives them any satisfaction. I, for one, find it hard to believe that during the most intense moments of a couple’s relationship, neither partner knows what the other is thinking; their minds remain separate whereas their bodies are striving to get as close as two bodies can.

Many women talk freely to their friends about unfulfilled desires, disappointments and frustrations, but men generally keep their sex lives secret. I’m convinced that there would be far fewer misunderstandings, arguments and conflicts if both partners would talk openly about their physical and emotional expectations. I believe that nothing but good would come of sharing these innermost desires, however strange and fantastic they might appear to be.

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